Am I A Mother?
So I’ve been thinking a lot about the term “motherhood”. And as I always do, I ran over to google to seek out a few definitions of the term.
Mother: a woman in relation to her child or children
Mother: to give birth to
Mother: to bring up a child with care and affection
Mother: to look after someone kindly and protectively
Mother: an important figure in the origin and/or early history of something
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As a 37 year old woman people often ask me “Chanel, do you have any children? Are you a mother?” And for the longest time I felt conflicted about my answer. I of course in no way will ever be able to compare my experience of mothering to those women who have physically birthed human beings.
Sidebar: shout out to ALL the women who have conceived, nurtured, grown, carried, labored, and birthed babies into the world! In my opinion, y’all are the ULTIMATE definition of badass women!
My answer used to be “No I don’t have any children. I’m not a Mother.” because my association to motherhood centered solely around the fact that I had not carried and brought forth my own babies into this world and that I was not actively raising children of my own. According to definition #1 - a woman in relation to her child or children - I was not a mother.
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In 2013, during the rise of the FIRST Black Lives Matter movement after Trayvon Martin was murdered, my soul was on fire. I was both filled with rage because yet another Black person had been taken from us in a country that totes the facade that all men and women are created equal. I was furious.
And at the same time, I could feel that a seed had been planted within me. The seed… of revolution.
In that very moment I knew that my purpose in the world was now beyond me. I knew then that I was no longer just existing for me, but that I was now a vessel - a conduit - with a mission to shift the racial dynamics of our world by empowering young black & brown dancers to not only enter the dance field… but to LEAD IT.
Mother: to give birth to
In 2015, MOVE|NYC| was born. Alongside my best friend and Co-Founder Nigel Campbell, I set out on a mission to use my artistic expertise, my professional networks, and my vehicle - The Art of Dance - to do whatever I could to move any and all obstacles out of the way so that young dancers of color could have a clear and almost guaranteed road to success in the dance industry. We identified early on that diversifying the dance field - and also diversifying our world - required wayyyyy more than just slapping a bandaid on the problem by simply hiring more Black & Brown dancers in elite dance companies. The work needed to begin earlier in life. It needed to begin with educating and empowering our youth. It needed to begin at the seed.
Mother: to bring up a child with care and affection
There’s an old saying that says “You make “plans” - and God laughs at your plans”.
Contrary to the large-scale mission that I had set forth for my organization, in the beginning y’all, I really and truly thought that I was only gonna teach some dance classes, give a little bit of professional advice, pat my students on the back, and send them on their way. God laughed at my plans.
We began with offering a TUITION FREE 3-week summer intensive (to eliminate the obstacle of money as deterrent to their success) and we gave them everything we could that first summer; of course we offered dance classes to ready their physical instruments for the rigors of being a professional dancer, but more importantly, we readied their MINDS and their HEARTS to understand that
1) contrary to what society may tell you - you BELONG in this dance field - PERIOD
2) with talent, hard work and holding yourself to a high standard of excellence, you CAN have a career in Dance
3) if you learn how to build relationships, leverage your networks, and have vision for the future, you can not only be a part of the dance industry - you can LEAD IT
So after all of that I naively thought my work was done. God laughed at my plans. Within 6 months of our first summer dance intensive our Young Professionals (as we affectionately call them) began clinging to me like white on rice! Like green on grass! Like bees on sweet! Like… a child to a mother. One of my students actually physicalized this one day. We had just finished dance class and I’m sure Ms. DaSilva (that’s me) was giving one of her usual mentorship talks about following your heart and chasing your dreams. The student came up to me, sat right next to me, looked me in the eyes, wrapped her arms around my ribs, squeezed me tight and said in a whisper “You’re my Dance Mom now”. I remember looking down at her - stunned by what was happening - and realizing that not just for this young woman, but for each of my students, that my heart was beginning to multiply and that my heart(s) in human forms were now walking around outside of my body.
Mother: to look after someone kindly and protectively
Over the past 8 years I have made it my business to lead MOVE|NYC| into the forefront of the arts field, boldly standing on our mission to MAKE SPACE for the next generation of artists in our field - more dancers, choreographers, directors, leaders that look like me… That look … like us. So that the next time you all decide you may want to go to The Kennedy Center and see the ballet Swan Lake or Sleeping Beauty you can look on the stage and not only see ONE Misty Copeland, but see MANY Misty Copelands. Thriving and living their best artistic lives. Sharing dance and choreography that reflects the multi-faceted, multi-colored, multi-ethnic beauty of our world.
Now I’d be lying to you if I said that this road of entrepreneurship hasn’t come with it’s share of TRIALS and TRIBULATIONS. Yall, this world has in a few ways tried to end MOVE|NYC|. We have endured ridicule, defamation of character, slander, bullying, and harassment of our students from institutions that deem MOVE|NYC| a threat to their very existence. It was so hard for us to understand how we, as an organization that was trying our best to pump some good into the world, was receiving so much hate in return. There are days where I questioned “Is this still worth it?”
And then… I looked into the eyes of my Young Professionals. My students. My "dance children". And I knew that I could NOT give up. For the sake of their futures, I could NOT give up. For the sake of their safety, I could NOT give up. For the sake of their experiences in our overly-white homogenous dance field that was in dire need of change, I could NOT. GIVE. UP.
I shifted my spiritual posture. I remembered the quote by Susan Elizabeth Phillips that says “Anything worth having is worth fighting for.” The need to protect my organization and protect my students shifted my posture to that of a lioness standing boldly behind her cubs. Eyes deadlocked, weight shifted forward, ready to pounce - aka check - ANY person who dared to bring harm to us in any way. And don’t get it twisted… I’m originally from East New York Brooklyn. Don’t let this suit and these white pumps fool you. I’m no stranger on how to gather the folks, okay?! LoL.
I learned then that safeguarding my community, safeguarding my organization, and safeguarding our children had become my top priority.
Mother: an important figure in the origin and/or early history of something
And now I stand here today with you all, not only as Chanel DaSilva, but as the product of deep and purposeful MOTHERING throughout my life. I of course will forever pay homage to my late mother Susan DaSilva who raised me into a woman of integrity, a woman of kindness, a woman of strength, and a woman with vision. So much of my heart reflects the heart of my mother. In addition to that I have been mothered by many. Women who, though were not my biological mother, have taught me the value of community, the value of femininity, the power of my God-given craft, and the power of Love. They’ve mothered me out of the dark corners of imposter syndrome and encouraged me to step forward into my light. They’ve reminded me to BE ALL OF ME, because there are many that are watching and being inspired in real time to be ALL OF THEM.
Now, this same Chanel from East New York Brooklyn is in rooms where I have influence. Where I can leverage all the work that I’ve done as a choreographer and my work with MOVE|NYC| to demand CHANGE. To be a catalyst for more doors being opened and more space being made for US, Black & Brown women and Black & Brown people.
I never set out on this mission to “become” anything. I just felt the seed of revolution planted within my spirit and did all that I could to birth that revolution, that CHANGE, into the world. My work, both as an entrepreneur and as a choreographer, has given way for me to leave behind a LEGACY. To leave the world a little better than I found it.
I know now that motherhood is multi-faceted.
I know now that motherhood is overly needed yet often under-valued.
I know now that I wouldn’t be where I am today without all of the mothers in my life.
I know now that I am a Mother.
